for my granddaughters...

Don’t go looking for the man who will buy you flowers and jewelry, or surprise you with fancy vacations. Go looking for the one who buys you the hangers.

The other day, I had mentioned to my husband that I was feeling overwhelmed with all of my laundry, and I had also ran out of hangers. “I’m feeling stressed, and I need to go get some hangers at some point this week. I can’t hang any more clothes, until I have more.," I said to him, quickly.

After that, we both got into the car to head over to a family dinner. As we drove towards my parent’s house, he stopped at the store, and said he needed to grab something.

I sat in the car, with our two young kids in the back asking, “where’s daddy going?” “I have no idea guys, just hold tight," I said back, as I felt myself getting a little annoyed.

“Where is he? We have to go. We’re going to be late for dinner.” I thought to myself as I took off my seatbelt to get more comfortable while waiting.

A few moments later, my daughter shouted from the back “mommy, that’s a LOT of hangers!” I looked out the window and saw my husband carrying about 100 hangers.

He popped open the trunk, put them in there, and sat back in the driver's seat. I just stared at him.

“I didn’t need hangers this instant, but thank you.” I said, as I felt a rush of emotions.

“I know, but I could tell you were getting stressed with the growing pile of your clothes, and thought I could help. Tonight, we’ll do your laundry together and get it all hung up,” he said to me as he squeezed my hand.

It was in that moment, I realized I had been searching for his love in all of the wrong places, completely.

You see, my husband has never been one to come home with chocolates or flowers often, and it took me many years to appreciate the way he loves me.

Growing up as a little girl, I would watch movies and see the big gestures. The surprise vacations.
The diamond necklaces.
The boombox over the man’s head, as he professed his love for the whole street to hear.

I was not taught about the subtle love.
The quiet love.
The “little” love.
The forever kind of love. The kind of love where he sees you needing help and does it without asking. The kind of love where he knows you so well, he can go to the store and pick out all of your favourite snacks. The kind of love where he knows your tricky coffee order, when sometimes you even forget it. The kind of love where he got up with the baby at two in the morning, so you could rest. The kind of love where he has seen you at your absolute worst and chose to keep loving you anyways.

I was never shown that kind of love in movies, books, and TV.

I was always taught to look for the big gestures.
I was always taught to look for the flowers being brought home.

Because you see, my husband has brought me home flowers, but I couldn’t tell you when, or how it was done.

What I can tell you is, each and every day, he’s done little things like this, to make my life a tiny bit easier.

Those flowers he brought died quickly. This type of love, lives forever.

Marry the man who doesn’t buy flowers often. Marry the man who doesn’t come home with extravagant presents every day.

Marry the man who will let you wait in the restaurant when it’s raining, and drive the car up to you, so you stay dry. Marry the man who loves you in a quiet way. For that is where the deepest, and more pure love can be found. The quiet love. The type of love where he just wants to make the things in your life, well, a little bit easier. Marry the man who buys the hangers.